


Pain of Life

by Filleblanc



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, F/M, Gang Violence, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 15:16:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16518956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Filleblanc/pseuds/Filleblanc
Summary: This is not a real fanfic because I am not used to wring fictions with real people's names. But I did get inspirations from my idols and used their traits for my characters. I really love wiring this story even though it is my first time writing in English. I am Chinese, so if there are any grammar mistakes you guys spot, please comment down below and let me know, thank you so much, and I hope you guys enjoy.





	1. A Visitor

**Author's Note:**

> To my loved ones and the ones who have taught me how to love.

Chapter one A Visitor

This had been the third month. The exact date was September 20. Three months. Holy shit. I was surprised by how quickly time passed; or I shall say I was surprised by how much more quickly the time passed than I expected it would. I remembered the first day I got dropped off , I thought my life might just end like this. It was depressing and I was not even exaggerating. Why in the actually hell did I deserve this? When I arrived here, I had nothing but three suitcases, and I was not ready to see a small room with only a wooden bed without any mattresses or comforters.  
“What the fuck.” I was not asking a question because it was pointless to question anything by this point.  
“Calm down.” Caleb, who was nice enough to call me as soon as I got to the place, said “It’s better than a prison cell.”  
“Dude, are you serious?” I was irritated by the fact that I didn't receive any empathy from him “ This room looks so shitty.”  
“Compare to a five-star hotel room,” he paused, which was a habit of him when he tried to emphasize something in his sentence, “ it does look shitty. But at least you have your own bathroom and everything.”  
“I don’t even have a TV.” I looked around once more. I felt hopeless.  
“Come on, Lily. I have seen people getting sent to places worse than this.”  
“Ugh.” I just realized I had nothing to sit on besides that sad-ass looking bed “Why did HE do this to me?”  
I regretted as soon as I finished that sentence. Caleb went silent for a second on the other end of the phone. Even without looking at his face, I knew that I just got on his nerve. I was not supposed to say anything like that because of what I had done. I hated myself for still being a little brat when I clearly knew the reasoning of everything in front of me now.   
“Lydia.” his voice was deep and stern, “ Just stop all that crap. You know what will come after you mess up. You should be grateful that HE didn’t give you to Aizawa Chisa… This is the lightest penalty HE could’ve given in HIS entire life. I hate to break it to you, but you would’ve ended up million times worse than this if it was not for the work you did for HIM for the past years.”  
“I know Caleb.”   
“ Sorry, I didn’t mean to scold you like that.”  
“It’s okay. I fucked up so I just have to deal with the consequences.” I lowered my head even though no one was there to see.  
Then I heard a heavy sign from him. I knew he felt bad for me and I felt bad for him too. On the day which I had to go hear the final decision of my penalty, Caleb was assisting HIM in the office. While I was sitting there, he couldn’t help but glancing at me whenever he got a chance. His stares were burning on my face; and I couldn’t dare to turn my eyes to react to them. Partially because I was terrified of HIM and his decision. But I knew Caleb was just as terrified as I was. He was trying really hard to hold in his fear.   
He was scared that I would die.  
I mean, it could happen. Anyways, I was sent here, a little town on the edge of the territory. Maybe that description was not accurate enough. This place was far-off that I found it fascinating that there was actually civilization existing around here ( I mean I fell asleep and woke up three times on the car ride here. It was so ridiculous.). It was very solitude as well. There were no real surroundings other than wild plants and natural habitats for probably all kinds of animals. The mountains were connected like sheets of cloth. It was June, and all that could be captured by my eyesight was endless greenery. Three moths later the bright green starts to fade away, lumps of yellow and red have been slowly popping out into the frame.   
Three months. I still can’t get over that fact that I am still alive after three months in this stupid place. I guess this proves that I am a well-trained warrior who can survive in every goddamn condition I got myself into.   
The first night was hella miserable. My body was sore after riding on a thousand bumpy roads. Then my bed was naked. I had to use my jackets to fake a mattress. My scarves served me as blankets as I slept. I woke up multiple times because those paper-thin walls did nothing but giving free passes to the noises of my neighbor’s radio. The nut-head son of bitch was listening to opera at night. Those screechy high notes the character made when they sang were needles pierced through my ears. I could feel my scalp tighten up out of the pain and my adrenalin went so high to the point that I did a martial art trick to kick my ceiling. I swear to god the whole building was shaking, which made perfect sense because it was the crappiest construction work I had ever seen in my whole entire life. I wouldn’t even be surprised if the whole things just fell apart like that.  
It didn’t fall apart. But the opera had stopped ever since.  
Now three months later, some things have changed, hopefully for better. I managed to get myself a set of bedding and a few more furnitures for the room. I discovered that if I opened my windows in the afternoon, the sunlight could come into my room right next to my nightstand, which made it really nice to read or just sit and zone out there. What actually helped me get through the first month was the habit of self-entertaining. Looking for any sort of entertainment in this town was more unrealistic than seeking for the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Plus, I was avoiding any human connection as mush as possible. I was unsure whether or not I was completely safe here, which was an useless concern, because the only factor of this punishment was isolation. No one was here to interact with me. It could be seen as a miracle if I bumped into more than one people on the street on the days I fancied to go out. By “go out” I mean getting my laundry done down the street or grabbing little essentials at the corner store. Eventually I created this so-called “daily routine”. I got up at whenever my body decided to wake up because I couldn’t be bother to buy an alarm clock. I did my breathing exercise for a few minutes. I read my book until I got tired of reading. Then I went for a long run. The good thing about this remote place was that nothing would get in my way when I ran. The freshness of morning air flooded into my body. I continued running as far as I could. I was out of breath and sweating when I stopped. After I showered and got cleaned up, I always went to this dinner for breakfast.  
This dinner was the only place which contained the liveliness. Imagine this whole town was a dessert, this dinner would be the oasis in the middle of it. What a lame metaphor I made… I was trying to say that this little restaurant was the CBD here. It was loud and full of people all the time, which was odd since I haven’t seen these many people walking around any where. It confused me as if those people knew magic tricks which made themselves disappear. Later on I was informed that those we ate here mostly were the members of the family which owned the restaurant. Oh, I forgot to mention that the name of this dinner was so cheesy that I got goosebumps when I first saw the sign of it. It’s called “Mr. W.’s Happy Restaurant with Great Food.” Like come on, who the hell named a restaurant with a dumb name like that? But to honest, the food here was delicious. I would give them points for that.  
Anyways, I went eat breakfast (sometimes lunch and dinners) there almost everyday. The waitresses here (weirdly enough they don’t have any waiters) were friendly, or I should say a bit too friendly sometimes. There was this one girl whose name was Bella asked me three hundred questions every single freaking day. And on the first day I ate there, she looked at me straight in the eyes as she handed me the menu.  
“ Hi.” I squeezed out the tiniest smile possible.   
She didn’t seem to hear me and studied my face as if one of my facial features was situated at the wrong spot.  
“You alright?” I asked, which was not a good idea, because instead of responding, she leaned forward and got really close. She glanced me from my chin to the top of my forehead and it felt like she was going to kiss me.   
“ Lady, this is too close for comfort.” I was trying to move away from her but the gap between the dinning table at the seat was so tight that I was basically trapped. “What the hell are you doing?!”   
She didn’t back off a bit. So I lifted my elbow because I figured it would effective if I hit her. Just as I touched her chest and was about to add more force, a person ran towards my table and yelled: “ Bella, what the hell are you doing?! Stop it!”  
Her name was Olivia. She pulled Bella away as soon as she got close enough to the table, which prevented a tragedy from happening.  
“Bella, you need to stop that.” she said so as she turned around and apologized to me.  
“It’s fine.” I said as I looked up to her.  
She was stunning. From a woman’s point of view, she looked absolutely amazing. And yet she was on the fuller side (being beautiful has nothing to do with being skinny), the waitress uniform hugged her figure a bit tightly. She had a rather round face with a delicate chin. Her eyebrows were beautifully curved and long. As she smiled her cheeks went up and her eyes looked like two poodles of rain drops.   
I was attracted by the beauty of her for a moment that I didn’t realized that she was still talking to me.   
“…”  
“Oh I’m sorry, what was that?”  
“It’s quite alright. I was saying that Bella is my cousin, and she acts like that every time she sees someone new.”  
I guess I was the “someone new” in a very long time.  
“But,” she continued “ I can’t recall if I have seen you around here before. Are you new here?”  
I mean, isn’t it so obvious? But instead of saying that, I just simply replied: “ Yes, I just got here not long ago.”  
“Good. Welcome then.” Olivia took out her waiter note pad “What can I get for you today?”  
Olivia has been a sever since that day. The one think I liked the most about her was she didn’t ask why I came here. We made casual conversations and never went further than that. I mean we didn’t need to. Most of the time Bella had to jump in and started her “Q&A” sections with me, which I found strangely fun after I got used to it.  
Bella: “What’s your zodiac sign?”  
Me: “Libra.”  
Bella: “ Are you a cake person or a pie person?”  
Me: “ I don’t like deserts.”  
Bella: “ Cherry pie or apple pie?”  
Me: “ I said I don’t like deserts.”  
Bella: “Iced coffee or hot coffee?”  
Me: “Both.”  
If it started going on forever, Olivia would stop Bella by pulling her back to the kitchen. But I could still hear her voice behind the curtain: “PB&J or PB&Nutella?!”  
“I said I don’t like sweet stuff.”   
After recalled all of that, these three months didn't seem to be that difficult after all. It was better than being killed by Chisa… That woman was a beast. R.I.P to those who got taken by her directly after they fucked up.  
I went for a run as usual, and you guessed it, I went to the dinner. I refused to say its name because I hated it that much. I walked down a block and turned to the corner which the restaurant located. Outside of the window I saw my seat was taken by someone. Olivia always saved that seat for me because she knew that I liked at the city view while I was eating. I was a bit bumped to see someone took it but I just assumed that the day might be Olivia’s day off; other waitresses there forgot to save it for me.  
As I was walking closer, I got to see the profile of the person on my seat. I knew that face so well that I could recognize it even it got burned into ashes. He didn’t do his hair the usual way today. He led his bangs hanging down his forehead rather than parted and brushed upward. He looked younger and softer this way. But his jawline was so sharp that if he got too close to the window the glass might’ve shattered. So many years ago his face was chubby and his cheeks were squishy like two boiled dumplings. He has matured so much through out the years and now I saw here was a good-looking young man in a Tom Ford suit. He was so captivating even though he was just sitting there quietly.   
By any means, I didn’t expect him to be here. But I was happy that he was.  
“ What a pleasant surprise.” I said as I walked in.  
Caleb looked away from the menu as he heard my voice. “Hey.” he responded “ Olivia said that you always sit here.”  
“She’s right.” I sat down at the opposite side of the table so that I could face him. If it was not my illusion, he had gotten a bit slimmer. His almond eyes had a brown tint. I would never know how a person had a job as his could give out the softest glares.   
“You look good.” I said. “ This suit fits you well.”  
“Thanks.” he nodded slightly “ You bought it for me.”  
“Really?” I said so as I sipped coffee “ I don’t remember.”  
“You look better.” he was looking at the table when he said so. I knew it was a sign of him being shy whenever he looked down.  
I led out a soft laughter. What I had on was a grey sweater and a pair of skinny jeans. I had looked much “better” than this before.   
“Did you say that for the sake of saying it or just try to make me feel better?”  
“Neither. You actually look better.” he said so softly.  
Then we went silent for a while. We hadn’t talked to each other face to face for three months. We were not supposed to. And now there were some things between us that were forbidden to bring up. In other words, we didn’t know what else to say to each other.  
“So…” I figured I would start speaking again before the awkwardness killed me “ What brought you here?”  
“I had a mission around here.” he said “And I had twenty-four hours of free time. So I figured I would stop here to see if I could bump into you.”  
“Bump into me?” By this point the food we ordered got to the table, it distracted us from the conversation for a little bit since it looked so appetizing. After I cut off a piece of pancake, put it in my mouth, chewed, and swallowed it, I continued: “ I am not doing anything interesting at all. You could’ve just walked up to my room and waited there.”  
“Yeah I know.” Caleb carefully rolled up his sleeves so his suit wouldn't get dirty from cutting stuff on his plate, “ But it is still better that I meet you outside.”  
“Yeah. It is better.” I paused for a second. It was not easy for him. I knew after I left there was still a shit ton of awful mess he had to help clean up. He also had to be extremely careful because of the relationship he had with me. I was not entirely sure but there was a big possibility that he was under monitor right now. HE had some crazily strict rules about not being connected with punished people. I had read and memorized them since the day one, one could end up dead if things went only a bit ambiguous. “ You know, you probably shouldn’t stop by.”  
“ It’s fine” he gave me the first smile of the day. It was so bright and beautiful that my heart hurt a little. “ I came alone, and no one knows you decision anyways.”  
“What the hell?”I almost choked on my pancake “ Are you kidding me? I fucked up so badly and no one knows my decision?”  
“First of all, you didn’t fuck up that badly.” he put on a serious look on his face, “It’s just…Your position, you know, that matters the most in the situation. I can’t tell you how many people lower on the chart had failures worse than yours. Of course they were dead afterwards. What you did was not a huge deal but it was still bad because you are in a position like this, you know? You were not supposed to have failures like that by this point.”  
“I mean, I failed the mission.”  
“Yeah, you are supposed to have ineffability.” he said, “Anyways, HE didn’t announce your decision in order to create the fear, especially among the higher positioned folks. Nobody knows how you ended up so they just keep guessing. I bet everyone is assuming the worst scenario possible, they were all freaking out after you left. Now they get that if they fuck up really badly, what is waiting for them next will be fucking miserable.”  
“Wow. That’s smart.” I mean, it is so brutal at the same time.  
“So, how are you?” he looked at me daringly in the eyes.  
“I am dealing with it.”  
“No, I mean, HOW ARE YOU?”  
For a moment I couldn’t construct a sentence. How am I? I don’t know. I feel like crap maybe? I am bored as hell. I am disappointed at myself because I couldn’t handle my shit better. Like how long have I been in my position? How the fuck did I fail my mission like that? I don't know, I just don’t fucking know.   
I led out a sign and said: “ I… I am okay I guess. But you know, it won’t be okay for a long time.”  
He nodded at me as he understood. I lost my appetite so I asked for the check and left. Then I remembered that I needed to grab my laundry before I went back to my place. Caleb said he would like to join me. So we walked together to the laundry shop.  
“ Why is this so fascinating to see?” Caleb pointed at those dryers which were going into a circular motions, and asked with that cute little tone he had. Maybe there was a part of him had stopped growing and remained as a little child.  
I bent down to collect my clothes into a pile. Neither of us had done our own laundries growing up. There were nannies available for every chore in the household. Thanks to HIM we were so spoiled that every other kid we knew was jealous of us. When we went to kinder garden, our teachers called us “the little patricians”. Not if it was an irony, but I was guessing it was.“Were you ready to get picked up, little patricians?” She used to ask like this.   
Folding up my shirts, I said: “For sure it is. I bet you hadn't even seen a proper laundry machine before, right? You have never done your laundry in your whole entire life, you little spoiled prince.”  
“You are not anywhere better than me.” So many years had passed, he was still fighting with me as if we were still children playing at the patio.   
“Hmm. At least I have learnt how to do it now. It’s not that complicated.”  
We went silent again. The noises of laundry machines became so loud and it was storm to my eyes. Out of nowhere, I asked: “How is everything back THERE?”  
I surprised him. Then he started biting his lower lip—another little thing he did when he was thinking hard. I guessed he was trying to put it as carefully as he could. But I knew in the back of my head that everything was still chaotic. We didn’t get to finish what we wanted to finish. The casualty was brutal. We had lost so much. These were just what I knew by far, I had no idea what to take for a complete recovery.  
It was all because I fucked up. Every time when I was reminded of this, I was so ashamed of myself that I could die. I could’ve died.   
“You know,” Caleb finally started talking, “ After the shit blew up, it was a hot mess. We lost so many men and arms. But we still have a decent amount of property left, we have arms left too. The thing is we have a lot of ‘stuff’ to do, you know, like ‘cleaning up’.”  
“Getting ride of every trackable evidence” was literally what “cleaning up” meant. That was a long-ass progress and we could have more loss later on. It was pretty much as the same as perishing together with your enemy. Goddamn it.  
“Jeez.” I mumbled.  
“It sucks. But everything started to go steady now. We might need a long time to gain back what we had lost though.”  
I nodded, because I couldn’t construct a full sentence now.   
“ And…” he paused, “HE is very mad at you. Very.”  
“I know…” I stopped what I was doing to look at him, “ I thought he was going to kill me.”  
“So did I.” he said quietly.  
“Did I get you in any trouble?”  
“No, not really.” he shook his head, “Actually HE hadn’t talked to me since the day you were gone. HE is busy sending out orders.”  
I stood up straight and picked up my laundry basket.  
“You have any plans?” he asked.  
“Dude, I have nothing to do around here. I am just gonna go back to my room and chill.”  
He smiled at me sweetly, and said: “ Can I check out you place?”  
“Hey, I really don’t think you should…  
But he interrupted me: “It’s okay. I am here already. I just wanna see where you are staying at.” He was looking into my eyes, or my soul, or both, “Please.”  
I couldn’t resit him somehow. On the way to the place there was a liquor store. We both fancied some alcohol so we went in and got a bottle of whiskey. It was a nice day, the sun was hitting us on the back. Our shadows were following us as we walked forward. I looked down and noticed how much taller he was than me.   
“ You are tall now.” I said.  
“I am always tall.” he said. I was glad we could talk about something lighthearted like this, and I wanted to go with the momentum.  
“You were a little bean before.” I said, “ You were shorter than me for a while.”  
“But who stopped growing first?” I said so as he smirked at me.  
I gave him a middle finger. Meanwhile we were at the building which my room was in. It was a really short walk.   
“Woo. It does look crapy.”he said.  
“I told you.” I started walking up the stairs, “ And there is this weird neighbor I have who listens to operas on the radio at night…”  
We opened the bottle of whiskey as soon as we got into my room. Caleb noticed the pile of books next to my bed. “Did you read all of those?”he was amazed. “Yeah. I got nothing to do.”  
“Really?”  
“Have you even looked around since you got here?” I poured myself I glass of whiskey, “There is literally nothing. Not even a club on the streets. How am I supposed to have fun? You know, no clubs, no parties, no pretty boys, no sex, and no life.”  
“Well, I think it is nice here. The view is beautiful.”   
“What can you do with beautiful view?” I took sip from my glass, masturbate to it?”  
He gave me a disgusted look.  
“And you will get tired of the ‘beautiful view’ after you stayed here for three months.”  
“At least I am here now.” he swirled the whiskey bottle, “You can get drunk with me tonight.”  
“That’s my boy.” I laughed out at ease.   
Then we clinked our glasses together as we said “Cheers.”  
We drank and talked all night. I hadn’t had any alcoholic drinks for months, so I felt my tolerance were getting low. I got tipsy after a few shots then I was too drunk to function. I carried on for as long as I possibly could util I finally passed out.  
The next morning Caleb woke me up and told me he had to leave.   
Despite being awfully hungover, I walked him down the stairs.   
He was still in that Tom Ford suite looking all flawless. He had this strange capability to look put together no matter what kind of wild shit he did the night before.   
I called his name before he took off.  
“Yes?” he turned around and looked at me. His eyes were crystal clear, especially when the sun hit them, I could see my own reflection in them as if I was looking into mirrors.   
“ Are you disappointed at me?” I asked.   
He took a deep breath, followed by a sign.   
He finally said: “ I am just glad that you are alive.”  
As he walked away, I saw him lifting his hand on his face, but his back was facing me, I didn’t know if he was scratching his nose or wiping tears away from his eyes.


	2. The Gang

Chapter Two The Gang   
My name is Lydia Song. I was a killer and one of the heirs of a gang.  
Song Shi Pa— the name of the gang—was the one and only thing my life had been associated with. But there were other things including shooting people, committing murder, handling illegal trades, and preparing to inherit an “empire” acting as substitutes of that. I got my hands on a real gun at the age of fifteen, which was my birthday gift from HIM. I still remembered how it looked: pitch black with my initials engraved on the grip. It felt heavy and cold in my palm, and yet the metal texture was oddly satisfying to my senses.   
I learnt how to shoot. I had to be precise and quick, which was frequently required by HIM. I practiced in a field with mannequins until one of my bullets went through the chest of an actual person two years later.   
Caleb and I were successors of HIM. This was the fact which everyone in the gang knew and had been set as the future of ours. Both of us had been living and breathing in authority since we were still running around wearing diapers. Adults and even elderlies had to drop glares whenever we walked pass by and address us with “Mr. and Miss Song”. This sort of things made us giggle, which was followed by getting scolded and lectures about how to act superior and serious. Long story short, we were brought up appearing as unapproachable as we could. We had the biggest gang in the nation at the tips of our fingers. We were prince and princess with the crowns. We were on the top of the pyramid.  
HE led us assist HIM with work shortly after we turned eighteen. HE found himself started getting weaker and weaker physically after he had a stroke. At first HE only had little trouble walking, which was solved by the usage of a cane. Gradually, he had to switch the cane to a wheelchair. HE was holding up like that for a few years. After caught a severe cold and recovered from it, HE became hemiplegic. We were officially filling the position, as it was too inconvenient for HIM to run around the capital getting things done. HE seldom told us what to do, since we had been by his side for long enough. There were rules in this gang, business had to be done in the right way, otherwise we would run into issues.   
We met with dealers and other business owners once a month. Those men reported to us complaints and profits. They also collected recruits for us because we were always in need for new-blood. The older ones had served well but they would be gone one day. We were expanding, our territory was stretching out, which was a good thing. HIS goal before he went into grave was to witness HIS own gang developing into an empire.   
The goal would be achieved. Caleb and I were the best heirs.  
“Lily, order.” Caleb called me through interior phone of my office.  
I walked into the living room where we set up a big screen for answering video calls.  
“How are you doing, Mister?” I said as the screen brightened up.  
HIS face appeared. HE didn’t look too bad, even though HE was skinny and pale. HIS eyes still got the sharp glares to them. Those lips of HIS curved upwards slightly as soon as he saw us.   
“I am doing okay sweetheart.”  
“What’s the order this time?” I asked.  
“Two things.” he cleared his throat before he continued, “I was informed that we had been losing profits in the West area, which was caused by appropriation in cash. Someone has been stealing our money and putting it into his own pockets.”  
“Who is that?”  
“I don’t know yet, you have any ideas?”  
What kind of sucker dared to scrap out cash from the gang? Was he out of his mind? I ran through all of the names in my brain, but unfortunately I couldn’t come up with anyone.  
“Cal, you know what that might be?”   
“Hmm,” he paused for a second, “ I might know who that is, but I will look at the files to make sure.”  
“Good.” HE nodded, “Don’t make any mistakes, we don’t want to punish the wrong person.”  
“What’s the other one?” I asked.  
“Recruits. There was a big group of them brought in by dealers, I want you to look through them and pick one out.”  
“For what?”  
“I want him to work for you guys as an assistance.”   
We mentioned to HIM that it would be helpful if we could get someone to read files for us. There were too many for just two of us to read. If we could get a hand for that, we would be able to sort out work a lot more quickly.  
“Oh, sweet. Thank you Mister.” I gave HIM a big smile as I said so.  
“Sure thing.” HE ended the call right after HE said that.   
“You ready?” I turned my head and looked at the young man next to me.  
“I need to read the files to make sure who…” I swore to God he was the slowest person I had ever known. Twenty minutes before the meeting started, he told me that he had to read some stupid files.  
I spoke over him: “ Grab your files and we are going. You can read them on the car.”  
“Emm…”  
“Hurry the fuck up.”   
Caleb nodded as he shifted away and moved swiftly towards his office with no sign of being in a rush at all. One of those days he would piss me so bad that I literally had to shove my gun into his esophagus.  
Finally we both climbed into the car and were on the way to the meeting. Both of us were sitting at the back, and in the front, a driver was to the left, to the right seated a man named Hui Shen. He was our assistance, or more like a baby-sitter to my eyes. His job was to be present with us to the meetings and make notes for everything and anything, then reported back to HIM. Hui would tell HIM our decisions, in case there was a need for alternations.   
We were permitted to do whatever the fuck we wanted. I wasn’t sure why Hui still got to hang and follow us all over the place like a pet dog.   
The card ride was terribly quiet, mostly due to the guy beside me was concentrated on the deck of flies in his hands and not bothered to even say a word. I wasn’t interested in making conversation with Hui in the slightest bit. This man was old, dull, and obedient, which concluded that he was not a good entertainer. Sitting in the passenger seat, his back was stiff and straight like a pole.The upper body of his didn’t move a bit even when the car turned and the momentum was strong.   
The crispy sound of paper told me that Caleb just finished reading another page and he was about to continue.  
“Anything?” I leaned back and rested my neck on the little cushion attached to the back of the car seat.  
“Not yet.” his fingers moved down on the paper quickly as he skimmed through the information. He shook his head slightly. Nothing on this page.   
I checked my phone. Five minutes left, and we were almost there.  
“ The meeting starts in five.” I said irritatedly, “But we still can’t figure out who the fuck it is.”  
“Chill.” he said so as he moved on reading, “We will find him.” All of the sudden his eyes widened a bit, with a “hm” coming out of his mouth; and his eyebrows rose up, which caused a few wrinkles on his forehead.   
“I think this is it.”   
He shifted more towards me so that he could show me the particular page. I dropped my gaze to where his finger pointed at.  
“Here,” he explained, “the profit margins are way off for this month.”  
The margins were off by a significant amount. Clearly, our cash had been taking out by some motherfuckers and put into their own filthy pockets.   
“Whose district is this?” I said as I tilted forward to get a better look at the data.  
“Wei’s.” Caleb checked the file once more, “He is in charge of couple casinos in the West area. There are other businesses there but they are our men’s own investments. Only the casinos belong directly to Song Shi Pa, which is where we are losing cash from for the past months.”  
Wei Song, an old fart who had caused troubles previously. He had crossed lines and taken the chances we gave him for granted. Well, this was his final straw which he managed to fuck up.  
“Great. I wanted to get rid of him a long time ago.” Whilst I was saying so, the car pulled out of a building. It was towering the other constructions around it, and the walls of it were coded in the shade of bluish gray. Hui got out the car and opened the door for us. After we both were out, he slammed the door shut and wait aside.  
I slid my eyes to the car behind me. It was a Bentley Mulsanne, a chunky piece of metal colored with black paint. It was HIS car before he couldn’t bare car rides anymore. I knew the car was exactly HIS taste but not mine. I hated the look of it, too bulky, for it was supposed to be a spacious car. I never believed in the idea of prioritizing practicality over ornamental.  
“We are getting a new car.” I said to Caleb as the driver started the engine.  
“Why?” he was brushing those tiny creases on the lapels of his jacket trying to make them smoother.  
“It is just…ugly.” I gently grabbed on the curve of his left elbow. Then we walked forward.  
“Ok then,” he finished fixing his jacket, “what do you want?”  
“A Maybach. Not an ’S’. I am thinking of a Zeppelin.”  
“Sounds good to me.” he slipped his hands into his pockets, “I will tell HIM sometime today.”  
“Sure thing.”  
Everyone had been waiting. As Hui opened the door and held it for us, I saw six men sitting around the rectangle table. The two seats at the top end were empty and waiting for us to fill. When the gang was created, HE had a group of fellows who were pretty much like HIS cabinets. These men were so called HIS “brothers” which was the title we still addressed them with. They put their effort into the birth of this rising empire, in return, HE gave them properties to own and businesses to run. Years passed, some of the brothers passed away, which left their kindred taking care of what they owned. They were powerful enough, but not as powerful as HIM. They were below HIM, so of course they were below us. Some of them would bring their families and relatives into the picture, which was acceptable.  
As long as they didn’t mess around and got shit done correctly.  
Hui pulled out the chair for both Caleb and me then stepped back. All of the men turned their eyes to us. I got myself situated and signaled that we could get started. One man got up and started reporting his profits and new investments. If there was no issue, we moved on to the next person. The meeting had to flow otherwise it would take forever. It infuriated me so much when a person kept rambling for a good minute. I thought he just enjoyed his fame too much in this ten minutes he was given. His passionate but pathetic speech was full of nonsenses, there was not one single important point. I wanted to hear facts, solid facts, not his fantastic new strategies he came up with probably after he had sex with his wife. I wasn’t here for the bullshit.   
“All right, stop right here.” I stopped him as he opened up the third file folder to show me how much potential his new investment could have, “ I knew you spent time and effort on this you called ‘research’ and ‘plan’ or whatever fuck it was. But the thing is what I heard in your speech is not happening right now, am I correct?”  
“Yes, m’am.” the man responded with a slight bow.  
“But what about now? Are you on profit?”  
“Yuh… Yes m’am, I suppose.”  
“You suppose?” I questioned him with a furious tone. This man had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. He might have no idea on a lot of other things as he wasn’t even certain about his profit.   
“There is no time for this ‘suppose’ shit.” As I continued, the man lowered his head almost onto his chest as if there was a hole which he could hide his face into. “And you know that. If you are on profit, you are on profit. If you are not, then get you ass in gear and fix whatever the shit is there. I am here to know if you are still making money and I want the profit to be seen right now, not in one foreseeable fucking future. This gang is not living on the dumbass blue print you make, it’s living on the money your business makes. You got that?”  
The man didn’t have the courage to respond me with words any more. He nodded and sat his ass back to the seat. I glanced around the room once more, every man had a straight face as if each of them had a mask on which restricted the muscle movements on their faces. I purposely led my eye rest on each face for a short moment, yet no one showed any sign of disconcertment.  
But one of them should.  
I exchanged a look with Caleb, then I spoke: “Well, I am glad to hear that most you are doing fine and having things regulated. Mister himself will be happy to see the profit you guys are making as well. Now, there is one thing I need to sort out before I dismiss you all. But before that, anyone has anything important to tell me?” I paused, and waited for any reaction. Nothing. Wei was sitting on the end of the left row, he looked with directly with his eyes wide open, and his lips were pressing tightly against each other. He was pretending, but I would make him lose it.  
I kept going: “Okay, then. So the problem is, the casinos on the West side that always highly profitable seem to be hardly making any money at all. Isn’t that weird?” Everyone agreed with me on my last statement.  
“It is not weird because one of you here has been scraping out the cash for his own needs.” I saw a twitch on Wei’s chins caused by nervousness. I was actually speaking in a not so stern tone because the more relaxed and effortless I was, the more scared he would get.   
I made another long pause. There were beads of sweat forming on Wei’s forehead. Caleb noticed that too, he tabbed my elbow quietly, then I knew it was the time for the last push.  
“Wei, what has been on your mother fucking mind makes you think it is okay to take money from the gang?”  
As I expected, he flinched. To say more accurately, his ass almost fell off the chair. He managed to pull himself kind of together and stood up.  
“Yuh, you know princess, I am just…”  
“You just what?” I couldn’t believe by this point he still tried to defense himself, “You are messing around with the business here and you think I will believe the bullshit coming out your stupid mouth?”  
He opened his mouth couple times trying to talk back to me but he was too frightened to do so. After few more failed attempts, he said: “Princess, I’m…”  
I fucking hated the title “princess”. I never liked it. Calling me princess was not going to do anything for him. I gestured Hui to bring him forward, he did so while that old fart was making all kinds of begging noises.   
“Get him on the floor.” I ordered, “Don’t call me princess like that, you little piece of shit.”  
Hui kicked the back of Wei’s knees and he instantly fell on the floor. His eyes were filled with horror and his face was coded by cold sweat. I watched for a few seconds as he looked discomfited, then I reached back and pulled my gun free from my clutch on the table.   
heard a gasp in the room.   
“You know what?” I slowly pointed my gun at the center of his eyebrows, “ I really don’t appreciate that you think you can take the gang’s money like it is yours. You work for us, and you will get what you deserve. But that's it. You don’t take any extras because those belong to the gang not your fucking cashbox.”  
“So, you are going to shoot me because of this?”  
I knew people might have extreme reactions when they were in danger, but what the fuck was this? His question was so ridiculous that I almost bursted into laughter.  
“What else do you think will happen when you already have a fucking gun pointing at you?”  
“Mister will never…”   
“Oh? You are bringing up Mister to scare me?” I had no patience with this dumbass anymore, “ How dare you talk to me like this? Are you too fucking terrified now to remember that you are fucking below me!?”  
I pulled the trigger. With a pounding sound, a bullet went in his scalp and he was dead. There was an open wound between his eyebrows and dots of blood were all over his face. Here I set the example, if a man had the courage to fuck around with our businesses and show no manners to his superior, then he better be ready for a bullet going into his head like this. I took a deep breath and turned my gaze back to the table. Surely they all learnt the lesson now by studying their facial expressions.  
“I think that’s it for today.” I said, dealing with retards like Wei made me exhausted, “Get out of my sight now.”  
The men got up and started moving out one by one. Hui stepped out too as he opened the door and held it for us. The room was left empty with just Caleb and me. My fella looked calm and collective as always, for he was so used to seeing me shooting people down.  
“Do you mind?” I pointed the dead body next to the table.  
“Not at all.”  
I walked outside while Caleb was getting into the process of handling the dead body. Hui stood by the door with his one hand against his stomach.  
“Are the recruits ready?” I ask.  
“Yes, princess, they are waiting for you now in the courtyard.”  
“With the dealers?”  
“Yes, with the dealers and the brothers, princess.”  
Wei just made me hate being called “princess” even more, I furrowed my eyebrows and said: “Don’t fucking call me princess.”  
“Yes m’am.” Hui might not be intelligent, but he sure knew when was not the right time to piss me off.   
There was never a right time to piss me off.

 

A gang was a hierarchy, which meant that it was not a group of ruthless fuckers running around selling drugs. And yet, if you were in the gang, you were probably ruthless already. Anyways, in the gang, everyone had his position and place, there was also a thick-ass boundary between each position. You broke the boundary or you didn’t show enough respect to the person higher you, then your ass would be in trouble.   
The concept was not difficult to understand. Just imagined is as an actual empire. HE, or Mister was the King. Caleb and I were his heirs, which made us the prince and the princess. Three of us split the supreme power of the empire. Under our wing, were HIS brothers. They were patricians. They and their own blood got to share the power with us, yet they were on step down on the ladder. Then the dealers, the men who voluntarily joined the gang. These people were peasants. Some of them could move up one level, if they worked hard and perform well enough. But that was it. Peasants and patricians could be owning the same amount of wealth, but they would forever be different. Lastly were knights, who in this case were the recruits brought in by dealers every month. These guys started very low, they had to work their asses off to be more likely having a chance to better the situation. Unless they were lucky enough that some rich house wives found them attractive and chose them to be the “secret partners” which also referred as the fuck toys.   
The myth was that all mobsters were animals who knew nothing other than street fights and getting doped up. That was not the case. The said people were just little bitches who fucked themselves up and died on the streets. Real mobsters were intelligent men with good business minds. They knew the trades, they understood every single detail, they knew how to invest smartly, they made as much money as they could and made sure they wouldn’t get caught. Most of them had to do more calculations in one day than accountants. I wouldn’t doubt that there was a decent amount of them had brains like mathematicians. You would be surprised, when you found out how many of them were unswerving family guys who had never cheated on their wives whilst were selling sex slaves and shipping prostitutes across the country. Some of their kids were even in high honor rolls at schools. They were daddy dearests and home but when they had gone to “work” they would murder some fuckers without even thinking about it.   
There was no contraction between serving to a gang and having your own personal shit together.  
How did being on top feel? The answer was obvious. Being on top felt fucking wonderful. It was not about the money. We had more than enough money to throw away. We could afford everything with the highest price tag. The place we lived at was a penthouse suit which took up the entire top floor of the most expensive apartment building around the city. When we looked down through the bulletproof glass windows, knowing that the majority of this city was trapped in the net of ours. It was a transparent net which was only seen by us. It was the feeling of being dominant gave us little wheezes and pleasure. I had never gotten the chance to experience an on-going orgasm, but I thought being in control was the closest thing I would get to it.  
On some nights when we fancied to have a few drinks. We chose to stand beside and window and enjoyed the city view while our drink was sliding under our throats. When the city had the lights all on, it looked like crushed diamonds and crystals scattering all over a giant piece of black velvet. So pleasing to the eyes.  
“Imagine,” Caleb said so as he pressed one of his palms against the glass, “all of this will be ours.”  
“Don’t imagine it.” I leaned forward until I almost kissed the window, “This is all ours.”  
A smile lit up his face, and we clinked our glasses together.


End file.
